Genre: Acoustic, Hardcore, Punk.
FFO: Dave Hause, Defeater, Koji, Titus Andronicus
This isn't going to be a regular post. Today is not a regular day. This morning, for one, I went for a run, for only the second time this year, I rose from sleeplessness and went jogging. My mind is so cruel that the only time I think its good and productive to exercise is after a great night of punishing my liver, when I can't sleep because of the unnatural pressures in my head. Finally at 6AM I say, fuck it the only thing that can make me sleep is more punishing behaviour, this has become a trend. My plan was to run to the ocean harbour and back, a 5km run in total--my realistic plan was to run there and collapse on the beach. I ended up crumbling into a heaving and wheezing pile at a public school about 3 blocks from my house. It was a glorious sight for all the dog walkers and old early risers to see a youth in more pain than them.
Website: I've plugged this before, but Nick doesn't ask for money for his music. Just visit his Blog and leave your regards
'if a man cries to the stars, does he also weep to the moon?'
'Every morning I wake with a fire in my belly, so every morning I run' I don't mean to hate on my cousin, but fuck that shit. I felt like I swallowed a dragon this morning, but his inspirational words almost cost me my life. After this, I was in desperate need of something I like to call Bowls Before Breakfast. This includes marijuana, tobacco & a pipe, and a beer for the shower. This all comes before the eggs and cereal, no doubt. Healthy, right? Just play some Touche Amore and its a party.
Now, why was I drinking on a Tuesday in the first place, you might ask? This has a simply illogical answer. When God sends me a flower, I am so socially detrimental to the world, I tend to flourish in the opportunity, giving myself, and the girl a false pretence of rightness or connectivity. Whatever, you know what I mean. So when I got home and started drinking through the hours of 4pm-2am to celebrate the sweet tea time and success of getting her number, its only natural for me to sabotage that mid flight. Here's what I did, I slowly made evident to myself the wisdom of avoiding future pains by deleting her number so to never think about her again by babbling my drunk head off and stumbling through the grocery store. Evenly consider these premises: a man who chooses solitude hasn't the right to feel loneliness. and I mean I don't see these angels staying up at night racking their brains why I don't call or respond to their texts or make advances when they're in my living room staring at me, or in a towel where I might be reading a goddamn book. No, if I leave them to they're busy days of knocking some other licentious guys out, showing interest in cooler things than my poetry, and sharing a laugh over coffee, they wont spare me a single thought when I'm gone, they're girls.
I suppose I'm telling you this because it didn't all work out this time, but it all lead to something greater than a date. I believe its called an epiphany, but anyway, I didn't forget about her after dropping the info into the abyssal of the cyber trashcan, and because my celebration turned lamentation with my room mates and their friends faced me against a mirror of the same problems I've been trying to suppress for the past four months I made some kind of breakthrough with the help of my friends. I wish I slept last night, but above all, I wish I didn't have to pour all the shards of my broken life into my two best friends hands every time I get heavy boots. Brad just withstands my insanity as long as he can, and even if I'm hurting him or ruining his fun, he just beats it out through his drums later on. I appreciate this so much because its really my only grounding, and I've driven other friend's crazy in a shorter period of time with my selfish antics and by dwelling on my problems.
I hate my own art and so I rely on my friend Nick for the music that's closest to my heart. Seriously check the demo he sent me last night. As a close personal friend I feel my experience with this music could be taken as a reflection of the artist's introspection that is the music. First and foremost, this is a story of growth between homes, it is very situational to this early part of maturity and it has a very bitter-sweet feeling towards the past. Everything is celebrated because we made it, but there is not a sign of a smile through the demo. I first heard these songs performed live when I was running from everything and losing the race about three weeks ago. I had returned to my home province Ontario for a visit because I was losing my mind in Halifax. It was there I realized my old life was entirely gone, the friends I always thought would be there, they dispersed when I left, and I knew I had grown apart from each one, except Nick seemingly grew at my rate, just like 2 thousand miles apart. That's why I rely on his reassurances to keep my morality intact. These songs saved my life that night, I swear that much, and these recordings have forced me to stare at the facts, at how far past those days we are, how I'm not a kid any more, but I'm no man either (I'm literally some unbalanced, stretched out freak), and that even if I don't think I deserve happiness its downright unethical to treat myself like I'm not human and therefore hide myself away from all things natural. Most importantly it decided for me that I can't act like I don't need something to rely on any more, for too long I told myself I'd make myself content to be alone and I strived for the unattainable independence by severing too many ties and making the conscious effort to make people dislike me. This was all just the painful aspects of my immaturity I never accepted. If you've ever wondered what the consequences of being raised in the city with the fastest population growth in the world (and its little sister township) you have found the underground that best demonstrates a retrospective look at these growing pains in what I like to call 'little, little America' (because Toronto is fucking Mephistopheles if the States is Satan).